February 25, 2007 – Post-Miss America: Practicing what I preach
I have already come to realize that my year as Miss Michigan will always be divided into two distinctly different eras: pre-Miss America and Post-Miss America. This is not at all a bad thing, but an unexpected funny thing. . .
Pre-Miss America was something like this: Complete Miss America paperwork, shop for Miss America, fittings for Miss America wardrobe, work-out for Miss America, rehearse Miss America talent, mock Miss America interviews, promote Miss America telecast and programming, send everyone you meet to www.missamerica/cmt.com, interview about the Miss America Pageant and the Becoming Miss America: Pageant School experience. Oh yeah, and in my spare time, complete appearances as Miss Michigan across the state. Even with my Miss Michigan appearances, I considered tattooing “January 29th on CMT” on my forehead as no appearance was complete without promoting the Miss America Pageant. And of course, after each appearance evaluating my performance and measuring it up to what is expected of Miss America.
Post-Miss America has gone something like this: Unpacking, doing laundry, writing thank you notes, answering emails and phone calls, enjoying cookies and ice-cream without any guilt, convincing my non-pageant friends and family that no, in fact the Miss America Pageant was not fixed (but thank you very much for your support and love), and politely listening to my pageant friends proclaiming that the judges must have been on something (again thank you for your love and support), and trying to figure out exactly how to say whatever it is I am supposed to say on this blog about my Miss America experience.
It took me nearly a month to figure out that the difficulty is that what I’m expected to write and what I need to write are also two distinctly different things – both true, but one much harder than the other. You see, what I’m expected to write about is how much fun I had in Vegas, all the funny stories and antidotes (preferably about Lauren Nelson or any of the other finalists), how cute Mario Lopez is in person, and how I feel so blessed to have been a part of it all and I’ll never forget it. Well, you’ve already read all my stories and heard me gush about Mario. You’ve also heard me say a million times that I know I am so fortunate to have become one of the less than 5,000 people to have ever competed on the Miss America stage. And not only will I never forget it, I’m collecting photos, DVDs and program books to show my future children and anyone else who may be patient enough to endure it.
While all of this is true, it’s not the whole story. The part that’s hardest to say is the part that I feel I need to say. It’s the part that all but one contestant in any pageant is feels when it’s all over . . . Disappointment.
Somewhere along the line, people got the impression that Miss Michigan (and other titleholders) must be all sunshine and rainbows all the time no matter what. But guess what? I’d rather be real than perfect – so I’ll admit it, I’m disappointed. And guess what else? That’s okay. In fact, it’s natural!
It should be no surprise that I had set certain goals for myself when I went to Miss America. After preparing non-stop for about 6 months (not to mention the previous 5 years that it took just to get there) I would have been silly not to have goals and expectations of my own performance. It should also be no surprise that I attained some of them and fell short on others.
Pre-Miss America was something like this: Complete Miss America paperwork, shop for Miss America, fittings for Miss America wardrobe, work-out for Miss America, rehearse Miss America talent, mock Miss America interviews, promote Miss America telecast and programming, send everyone you meet to www.missamerica/cmt.com, interview about the Miss America Pageant and the Becoming Miss America: Pageant School experience. Oh yeah, and in my spare time, complete appearances as Miss Michigan across the state. Even with my Miss Michigan appearances, I considered tattooing “January 29th on CMT” on my forehead as no appearance was complete without promoting the Miss America Pageant. And of course, after each appearance evaluating my performance and measuring it up to what is expected of Miss America.
Post-Miss America has gone something like this: Unpacking, doing laundry, writing thank you notes, answering emails and phone calls, enjoying cookies and ice-cream without any guilt, convincing my non-pageant friends and family that no, in fact the Miss America Pageant was not fixed (but thank you very much for your support and love), and politely listening to my pageant friends proclaiming that the judges must have been on something (again thank you for your love and support), and trying to figure out exactly how to say whatever it is I am supposed to say on this blog about my Miss America experience.
It took me nearly a month to figure out that the difficulty is that what I’m expected to write and what I need to write are also two distinctly different things – both true, but one much harder than the other. You see, what I’m expected to write about is how much fun I had in Vegas, all the funny stories and antidotes (preferably about Lauren Nelson or any of the other finalists), how cute Mario Lopez is in person, and how I feel so blessed to have been a part of it all and I’ll never forget it. Well, you’ve already read all my stories and heard me gush about Mario. You’ve also heard me say a million times that I know I am so fortunate to have become one of the less than 5,000 people to have ever competed on the Miss America stage. And not only will I never forget it, I’m collecting photos, DVDs and program books to show my future children and anyone else who may be patient enough to endure it.
While all of this is true, it’s not the whole story. The part that’s hardest to say is the part that I feel I need to say. It’s the part that all but one contestant in any pageant is feels when it’s all over . . . Disappointment.
Somewhere along the line, people got the impression that Miss Michigan (and other titleholders) must be all sunshine and rainbows all the time no matter what. But guess what? I’d rather be real than perfect – so I’ll admit it, I’m disappointed. And guess what else? That’s okay. In fact, it’s natural!
It should be no surprise that I had set certain goals for myself when I went to Miss America. After preparing non-stop for about 6 months (not to mention the previous 5 years that it took just to get there) I would have been silly not to have goals and expectations of my own performance. It should also be no surprise that I attained some of them and fell short on others.
I’ve spoken candidly about “losing” and “disappointment” in the past, but this time it just seems harder to talk about. There are the familiar awkward wishes of congratulations for showing up and of course all the “what-if’s” that cloud your memories. But this time, there was another familiar feeling that I had forgotten about – the feeling that I had let someone else down. But this time it was more than my family and friends that would love me no matter what – it was an entire state. And this time there is no “maybe next year”. And this time, there is an expectation to not only be visible around the state, but also upbeat and, well . . . perfect.
Then I remember the words of a very wise young woman. She said “In life, we have the opportunity to gain so much – win or lose. Look for it. Find it. Claim it. Live it. And never again will you rely on someone else to control how you finish.” (scroll down to the Aug 29 post for more).
For the record, I still firmly believe that – maybe more so now than ever. There is so much that I have learned about myself, about life, about the people around me – things that I probably would not have had I made the top ten. So, why did I have to talk about my disappointment and ruin the guise that all of us state titleholders are perfect? Because I may not be Miss America, I may not have made the top ten or won a preliminary competition, but I’m still Miss Michigan. I promised to wear this crown with integrity, class and honesty and I know from my email inbox that there are many people out there who still look up to me because of that. For you, I want to make it perfectly clear that no only is it okay and normal to be disappointed when you don’t achieve a goal you set out to accomplish; it’s nothing to be embarrassed about.
Now, I don’t want you to think that I condone temper tantrums on stage if you don’t win nor am I telling you to scream at the judges or take away from other contestants’ success. You must take ownership of everything you do and say and represent yourself with class. But you must also be true to yourself and your emotions.
Finally, I want to leave you with my favorite definition of success from Sir Winston Churchill. . .
“Success is the ability to go from one failure to another with no loss of enthusiasm.”
As I try to stretch the post-Miss America era of my year and accomplish as mush as possible while I still have this incredible job, I realize that my enthusiasm for the Miss America Organization has never been stronger and therefore, I have never been more successful!
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